I’m struggling to find balance. I need to find my happy place and regroup. I need to stop stressing about things I can’t control (or don’t need to control), not get frustrated with my toddler (she’s just a toddler… and such a wonderful one 99.9% of the time) and take more time to be patient, happy and thankful for all I have.
This isn’t necessarily about one specific thing. It’s about many things. And nothing.
First, I need to say my MOMS Club is wonderful. I love all the ladies I have met and that many of them are such dear friends to me! MOMS Club is kind of my second job and I take it seriously and work hard doing a good job being our chapter president. But I’ve been doing a ton for it and I’m getting stressed and burnt out.
It’s not one particular issue. I think it’s more me. I am a pleaser and try to make everyone happy and accommodate what everyone wants. But I struggle to make decisions and fear I will upset someone with the choices I make. At the same time, just because I’m president doesn’t mean it’s all up to me. This is a group and everyone contributes to make it great. But not everyone will be happy 100% of the time. And I need to realize and accept that.
And honestly, if someone wants my mostly thankless, volunteer gig as president, we are up for elections. Feel free to run. But when no one steps up, that just makes me work harder to make it all go smoothly and keep the members happy. I want everyone to love this group as much as I do and want to make some effort to make it the best it can be!
Maybe my hopes and expectations are too high.
On another front….my home. I have been slacking and been lacking motivation. I think part of it is this weather and my need to get outside with the girls. I feel so pent up. I try to have something planned everyday. It’s good to keep Maddie busy and it keeps me from being stir crazy.
But as I sit here looking at all the toys that need to be picked up, my long “to do” list and my urge to minimize clutter….all I will probably get done is blogging (with one finger on my iPad while Dannie eats/sleeps), maybe some reading and checking Facebook. Then when I go to bed, I’ll feel guilty for sitting around and not accomplishing more. I’ll feel like a terrible wife for not having a spotless house when my husband gets home (because really, I stay home with my kids…why isn’t my house spotless?), guilty for not making dinner (even though my very wonderful, loving husband has been volunteering to do it) and generally looking back at my day knowing I could (and should have) done more.
I want to be that super mom that remembers everything, flutters around the house effortlessly making everything she touches perfect and can sit on the couch with her husband happily at night knowing she got it all done.
In reality, we will push toys out of our way with our feet to get the ottoman near the sofa, brush Lord-knows-what snack off the sofa cushions and I will fall asleep with my mouth hanging open, drooling at 8:45. Isn’t that a vision of sexy right there!?
I’m really excited about my upcoming Pilates class. I think I need the adrenaline from the exercise and an hour of “me” time. Heck, I’m looking forward to the car ride there just so I can listen to music instead of Curious George and Finding Nemo for a few minutes. I also need to use my massage gift card I got for my birthday (in November) and finally schedule a haircut. I haven’t had my hair cut since before Maddie turned 1 (in February….2011)!
So, with all the changes we have made to our health lately (which is going great!), I think it’s time for me to refocus and stop being so stinking lazy! I’ll get right on that….when nap time is over.
