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- Indecision is the key to flexibility.
- You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
- There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
- Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
- The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
- The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
- Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
- Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
- Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
- Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
- Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
- I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
- Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
- All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
- One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
- The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
- This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
- Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
- The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a 'do it yourself' thing.