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Acceptance

Posted on January 24, 2020 by Andi

This story below has been on my mind and I can’t stop thinking about it. I have had similar things happen, but not to this extent and I just need to share it.

A man’s son (a 5 year old in kindergarten) wanted his nails painted and then got bullied at school for it. Before I say what my feelings are and why this resonates with me, I want you to read what this dad said.

When I read this I wanted to hug this little boy and high five his parents. This poor kid gets bullied and picked on by his peers for something as small as painting his nails. It breaks my heart.

My youngest is 5. He will be in Kindergarten in the Fall. And this boy loves his nails painted, tutus, skirts and all things glittery and sparkly. His favorite book is called “Just Add Glitter”. Now some people might say that he likes these things because he has two older sisters, or because I, myself, like to have my nails painted and LOVE glitter and sparkly things. But (1) his sisters are not very girly. Their dress-wearing is sporadic, they have buzzed undercuts on their hair, play hockey and softball and are both tough as nails! And (2) he just likes them. He isn’t pressured by his sisters to wear skirts, he just chooses them when he picks out his own clothes. Because they spin and sparkle and make him happy.

I also have a daughter who is 9 and she loves sports, video games, has short hair (because it makes her feel awesome!) and loves to ride her bike and rollerblade and go skating and skiing and is one of the funniest people I know. But she has been told that she “looks like a boy” because her hair is short. WHAT?! It makes me so sad.

Who are we or these kids to judge this and say it isn’t ok? Even into adulthood, women especially are judged for how they look or what they wear if it might not fit into the norm or just doesn’t appeal to one person. I am almost 40 and in my head I don’t give a damn what people say or think about me, but I know that I do to some extent.

And my son and this boy above are 5! I’m an adult and I can handle it. But these kids are just learning who they are, finding themselves and learning to love themselves. So it makes me so sad that this happens.

I know this happens. I am naive enough to think that “this won’t happen to my kid” or “things will change” or “it’ll be ok”. It can hurt. And it sucks when my kid comes home and tells me that someone said “skirts are for girls”. No they freaking aren’t. They are for anyone that wants to freaking wear them.

Let me digress briefly about toys being gendered. This makes me INSANE! My kids (both girls and boy) play with EVERYTHING! They dress up, play with pretend food, play all kinds of games, play with doll houses, play with dolls, play with cars, play with LEGO, play sports, play video games, play with PlayDoh, etc. And never once have they said they can’t play with something because it’s “for a boy” or “for a girl”. I know my husband and I would have a conversation with them if they did, but we raised them to know that TOYS ARE TOYS. There are not boy-toys or girl-toys. Just like it is nonsense that blue is for boys and pink is for girls. I have many male adult friends I have seen wear pink. And my girls rock blue all the time!

The picture at the beginning of this post was from a couple weeks ago. I was working and I needed my son to play by himself for a while. I snapped a couple pictures and a video of him playing and it was so sweet. I loved listening to the way the parents talked to the kids, the voices he used for mom, dad, kids and just how he made everyone interact. It really shows what goes through their heads as you see them play with these things. The parents were nurturing, the siblings in his pretend house we helpful and I was so proud of the interactions I overheard. And I never would have gotten this sweet moment if I had told him “Alex, that dollhouse isn’t for you to play with, it is for your sisters.”

It is hard to talk to your kids about these things. And not hard in the sense that I don’t know what to say, but hard that I HAVE to tell them “don’t worry about what people say”, “don’t listen to them”, “you can like anything you like”, “you are beautiful”, “you are you and you are amazing and spectacular”, “tell those kids that it’s ok to like what you want and it is ok that they don’t like the same things”. And for the most part, this works, We have very emotionally strong kids, but it still makes my heart hurt that these things even need to be said.

We need to get our heads out of the clouds and stop thinking in this way of the past. It is 2020. We should be above this. Shouldn’t we have bigger things to worry about than what color our kids are wearing, what toys they are playing with or if they want to accessorize themselves?

So stop and listen to yourself when you are talking to your kids. It is not ok to put this pressure on them. They need to see they are loved and accepted for any choices they make. Someday they will be older and have much bigger and harder things they are dealing with than whether someone says they shouldn’t wear nail polish and you will want them to be able to come to you about it and not be embarrassed. So step up your game and make sure you are teaching your children acceptance. And maybe it will be a good refresher course for you as well.

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minihays

Mom 👩🏽👧🏻👦🏼|💍to @chuckhays|seeking WebDev job👩🏻‍💻|work PT💻|🤪|book reader📚|blanket lover🌡|glitter fanatic✨|zen🏃🏻‍♀️🧘‍♀️|kids sports🏒🥎|MN🏡|moving🏚🏗🏡🌊🚤

minihays
Today marked one year since my dear dad passed awa Today marked one year since my dear dad passed away. 💔 

I woke up early and saw the sun rise, then made the kids breakfast and went into work for a while. I knew if I sat around all day, I’d be sad…and my dad wouldn’t want that. 

When I got home, the kids and I sprinkled some of his ashes under the trees we planted in his memory. Then we hopped on the kayaks and sprinkled some by the buoy straight out from our house. Dannie and I listened to some voicemails he left me. It was so good to hear his voice. I listen to them sometimes just to hear him say “Hey Mo!”. 🥰 

I worked on a puzzle for a few minutes (because that’s how I spent a lot of my time when he was sick and after he died) before taking Dannie to hockey. On the way home from her game, my alarm went off for the time he died. So I had a good cry listening to “Miss You All The Time” by OAR (which is my alarm ringtone). Chuck made me a delicious dinner and then I put the kids to bed. Before bed, I curled up on the couch and watched a show with Chuck. 

I spent time thinking of him today and also doing everyday things. Because that is what living with grief and missing someone is. There are moments to stop and remember and honor them, but also mostly doing everyday things.

I love you, dad and I miss you tons. I can’t believe you’ve been gone a whole year. I wish you were here to talk to about and enjoy all these everyday things with us. 😘
Dannie’s @furyaaa_hockey team took 2nd place in Dannie’s @furyaaa_hockey team took 2nd place in a tournament last weekend. This was the longest game I’ve ever been to. 3 15 minute periods, ice between 2nd and 3rd, then three over times which was about 30 seconds from being a shootout before the other team scored. It was so fun to watch these girls play their hearts out! ❤️🏒
The kids and I had a great day at Valleyfair today The kids and I had a great day at Valleyfair today! 🎢
Our summer training program (STP) for hockey ended Our summer training program (STP) for hockey ended last week. This was my car every Friday for both girls to skate then Dannie’s goalie practice. It takes up our mornings for a big chunk of summer. With all three kids playing, we were at the rink 5 mornings a week. But it is also the most requested to do again by all three kids. ❤️🏒🥅
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minihaysreads

I'm @minihays. Book lover📚❤️. Includes 📚 I've read, 📚 read with my kids (👩🏽8,👧🏽7,👦🏼5) & other book related stuff. 1⭐️ to 5⭐️ ratings.

minihaysreads
Happy National Book Lover’s Day! May you have mo Happy National Book Lover’s Day! May you have more books than you know what to do with….than pass that love onto your kids. 🥰🤪📚

#bookloversday #books #booklover #reorganize #sort #bookshelves
Here are the books I read in July. There is a link Here are the books I read in July. There is a link in my bio and I'll post a link in stories as well to the blog post that will include links for each book.

#minihaysreads2022
Anyone else read in the car while waiting to pick Anyone else read in the car while waiting to pick your kids up from activities?
I may seriously consider this. I might be out a lo I may seriously consider this. I might be out a lot of money, though. 🤔💸📖💰
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The kids had a blast when we grabbed food from chi The kids had a blast when we grabbed food from chipotle and ate it on the floor in the house! I’m guessing there will be a few more times doing this as the build continues. So much fun! 🌮
Here was the final view of the lake from the stree Here was the final view of the lake from the street before the garage went up! 👋🏼
Saw the most beautiful little catamaran on the lak Saw the most beautiful little catamaran on the lake the other night. 🌈🤍
True story of why I’m a nutcase. While sitting o True story of why I’m a nutcase. While sitting on the boat recently, watching the kids play and listening to the house be built, I panicked. Crap! We should have put our house the other way. Left side on the right, right side on the left. That tree will be in our way! WHAT HAVE WE DONE?! 
.
So I immediately text Chuck who is working and tell him about how I am worried almost to tears about this. That we messed up.
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It isn’t something we can do anything about even if we maybe should have done it the other way, which is probably nonsense. But we love this tree. And it’s going to add to our amazing view. And I want to plant another one on the other side one day anyway. And that big open spot will have a deck and porch behind the main floor garage. And what...I may have to turn my head slightly to see the lake better?🙄
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Yep. I’m a nutcase. I don’t worry about the things right in front of me. Or even things I should worry about. Nope. Just things that can’t be changed...now that’s where my worry shines! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤪
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