ANDI HAYS

— my little corner of randomness —

Menu
  • Here’s What I Have to Say
  • Tidbits About Me
  • Sites I’ve Helped With
  • Disclaimer
Menu

Me-Time Guilt

Posted on January 25, 2020January 24, 2020 by Andi

We have all been told that it’s a good thing to make time for yourself. As a mom or parent, the majority of your time is spent taking care of kids, doing adult things, working, cleaning, shopping, keeping everyone alive and happy, keeping that fun, love and spark alive in a marriage and also balancing time for yourself.

I work from home and I “stay home” with the kids. Mind you, two are in school and the third goes to preschool four days a week. I do meal plans, help get kids to sports, make lunches, get them ready for school and all those other random things that need to be done when squeezed in with work. My husband works from home as well and does all of these things, too. But when I have a few free minutes I feel guilty. Like LOTS of guilt.

“I should be vacuuming”, “I should be cleaning”, “I have hundred loads of laundry to put away”, “I should be learning some more coding”, “I need to get my work done”, “I need to get dinner started”, “Crap, I forgot about my to-do list”, “shoot, the car needs service”, “OMG I need to get these library books back today”, “I should probably eat so I’m not so hangry”, “Ahh I signed up to volunteer today”, “I forgot to plan a birthday party”, “LEGO group isn’t scheduled yet”, and on and on and on and….

I think “I really wanted to finish this chapter of my book”, “I really wanted to get that blog post published”, “I meant to run on the treadmill this morning but decided to sleep in instead”, “I wanted to have tea with my best friend”, “I wanted to use that massage gift card”, “I would love to take a quick nap”…..and then the guilt comes.

I have all these things I should do for myself. Paint my nails. Take a bath. Take a shower. Finish a book. Go on a walk. Just stare out the window. But I feel like I might “get caught” sitting around or being lazy and then I need to justify what I did before that to make it OK for me to be sitting. Seriously. Who is going to catch me? My husband? He knows what I do during the day. I’m not a quiet person and he hears me stomping around all day. I’m also a chatty person so I am usually talking to him non-stop all day so he knows pretty much everything I am doing. He doesn’t need these updates. I just feel like “maybe he will wonder why I’m not doing XYZ right now.” Guess what?! HE’S NOT. And no one else is for that matter.

I have always been a guilt-filled person. I have sent texts late at night to friends to make sure I haven’t said anything overly offensive or hurt feelings. I have wondered if not talking to someone long enough at school or preschool made them think I wasn’t a nice person. I am clearly a people pleaser. But why is it that I don’t quite care enough to please myself. (That sounded a lot dirtier than I intended BTW.)

I can’t even call to order a pizza or call someone who has the sole job of talking to me when I call because I feel like I am inconveniencing them. I just don’t want to bother anyone.

This is an exhausting way to live, by the way. Holy cow am I spent by the time I tuck the kids into bed. I just want to go to sleep. Because my brain has been on overdrive all day. I’ve been worrying about how every little thing I do is perceived and I haven’t taken one minute to just breathe and say “it’s ok to take a minute to yourself.”

With full honesty here, I DO take time for myself. I tell my kid to read a book so I can scroll Facebook or Instagram. But honestly, scrolling doesn’t make me happy. I oddly feel more happy when I post something for other people to see. It isn’t really FOR them. It’s actually for me because I love to see the memories pop up each year. That is more of a high for me. I like to use it as a journaling outlet.

If I’m being honest here, I think the reason I feel so much guilt is because, although I have a part-time job, I don’t work full-time and don’t feel like I contribute enough. I feel like I am being wasteful with my time if I am not working or doing something useful with any extra time I have. Maybe this is a personal issue. Maybe this is a stay-at-home-mom issue. Whatever it is…I feel it.

So maybe I do find more time for myself than I think I do, but I just wanted to see if I was alone. Am I the only one who feels guilty when they take some time for themselves? Is this guilt just a mom-thing? Am I hallucinating and getting more me-time than I think I am and just being whiny? Who knows. Maybe I’ll find some balance in my 40s.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
Pinterest
LinkedIn
Instagram
GitHub

Instagram

minihays

Mom 👩🏽👧🏻👦🏼|💍to @chuckhays|seeking WebDev job👩🏻‍💻|work PT💻|🤪|book reader📚|blanket lover🌡|glitter fanatic✨|zen🏃🏻‍♀️🧘‍♀️|kids sports🏒🥎|MN🏡|moving🏚🏗🏡🌊🚤

minihays
Played with some beads today. It was so soothing t Played with some beads today. It was so soothing to make a few bracelets.📿
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#jewelry #jewelrymaking #bracelets #beads #beading #crafty #creating #makesomething #craftsomething
A little nod to @kamalaharris with the jacket. A l A little nod to @kamalaharris with the jacket. A little nod to RBG with the black and necklace. Red, white and blue bracelets. Sparkly eyeshadow and some bright red lipstick for today! It’s such an exciting day with this inauguration! I’m so excited for the change in our leadership and even more excited to see a woman as Vice President. Today I am filled with hope and happiness! 🇺🇸❤️🤍💙👩🏾
This was a beautiful book. More on @minihaysreads. This was a beautiful book. More on @minihaysreads.
I may have hung out in Dannie’s hammock for a wh I may have hung out in Dannie’s hammock for a while this afternoon. It was so peaceful and relaxing! Definitely going to need to do that more.

#hammock #hammockswing #zen #relaxing #swing
Load More...

minihaysreads

I'm @minihays. Book lover📚❤️. Includes 📚 I've read, 📚 read with my kids (👩🏽8,👧🏽7,👦🏼5) & other book related stuff. 1⭐️ to 5⭐️ ratings.

minihaysreads
The joy of learning how to read on your own! #rai The joy of learning how to read on your own!

#raisingreaders #lovetoread #loveofbooks #kids #kidsread #books #read #readers #reading
Today marks an exciting day in history! I am fille Today marks an exciting day in history! I am filled with so much hope and joy and happiness to see a woman as our Vice President. She will not be the last. 📚🇺🇸❤️🤍💙

#madamevicepresident #kamala #kamalaharris #makinghistory #women #womeninhistory #kamalaandmayasbigidea #rootedinjustice #superheroesareeverywhere #thetruthswehold
What a beautiful book. There are so many different What a beautiful book. There are so many different topics that could be discussed with this book. It would make a great book club read. I bet each person would have their own takeaway from this one.

I think it was so well written and the characters were so unique. The way they took different paths and then come back to each other was so well done. She has a magical writing style and I can’t wait to read more by her!

🎧📚⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (3/60) #minihaysreads2021 #audiobook #audiobooks #book #books #bookreader #booklistener #booklover #bookstagram #ilovebooks #britbennett #thevanishinghalf
We watch The One and Only Ivan movie the other nig We watch The One and Only Ivan movie the other night. The movie was really cute as a stand-alone movie. But my kids were disappointed after reading the books. Some scenes were different, some parts weren’t included and they were kind of bummed it didn’t follow the book perfectly. The book is always better I told them. 😁

Any movies you have seen that didn’t quite live up to the book?

#bookisbetterthanthemovie #oneandonlyivan #movies #booksintomovies #read #books
Load More...

haysonthelake

haysonthelake
The kids had a blast when we grabbed food from chi The kids had a blast when we grabbed food from chipotle and ate it on the floor in the house! I’m guessing there will be a few more times doing this as the build continues. So much fun! 🌮
Here was the final view of the lake from the stree Here was the final view of the lake from the street before the garage went up! 👋🏼
Saw the most beautiful little catamaran on the lak Saw the most beautiful little catamaran on the lake the other night. 🌈🤍
True story of why I’m a nutcase. While sitting o True story of why I’m a nutcase. While sitting on the boat recently, watching the kids play and listening to the house be built, I panicked. Crap! We should have put our house the other way. Left side on the right, right side on the left. That tree will be in our way! WHAT HAVE WE DONE?! 
.
So I immediately text Chuck who is working and tell him about how I am worried almost to tears about this. That we messed up.
.
It isn’t something we can do anything about even if we maybe should have done it the other way, which is probably nonsense. But we love this tree. And it’s going to add to our amazing view. And I want to plant another one on the other side one day anyway. And that big open spot will have a deck and porch behind the main floor garage. And what...I may have to turn my head slightly to see the lake better?🙄
.
Yep. I’m a nutcase. I don’t worry about the things right in front of me. Or even things I should worry about. Nope. Just things that can’t be changed...now that’s where my worry shines! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤪
This error message is only visible to WordPress admins

Error: API requests are being delayed for this account. New posts will not be retrieved.

Log in as an administrator and view the Instagram Feed settings page for more details.

@minihays

Played with some beads today. It was so soothing to make a few bracelets.📿 #jewelry #jewelrymaking #bracelets… https://t.co/7c1h7aICMs - 1 day ago

Link to @minihays (Andi)

Links

  • MadeByChuck.com
  • My Wish List
  • Our Photo Gallery
  • Wish List – Alex
  • Wish List – Dannie
  • Wish List – Maddie

Categories

Alex Baby Journal Books Crafts Dannie Food GiST Glendalough Lake House Lessons Maddie Parenting Products & Places Randomness Seattle Social Distancing Tech

Archives

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
© 2021 ANDI HAYS | Powered by Superbs Personal Blog theme